WLW Hossie " a.k.a. Mark Matthews"

Talk Show Transcription

Barnside, the Third editor in this effort.

Hello, This transcript was to appear on Hossie's Web Page back in 1998/99. George Died before this transcript could reach it's final destination on the Inter-net.

As far as I know I'm the only person legally at this time to post any of Hossie's works prior to and / or after his death.

No contact with his family has been made since my visit with George's Sister and Brother-in-Law in Redmond Washington in 1997.

I've done my best to correct any format problems and converted this document to an easy to read format.

I wish to thank all those involved and who have participated in the final draft(s) of this Transcript; They are duly noted below and throughout this transcript so there is no point in repeating their names.

All material contained at this site is copyrighted and was used by permission from

the author prior to his death August 1999 - a Grinning Horse Production ©1999, 2000

No text, comments or prior editors notes from of this transcript have been added to, altered or deleted. It is in it's original commentary as delivered to me. except for legibility, Grammar and obvious spelling errors

Barnside

a Grinning Horse Production © 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002

June 6, 2002

(NOTE: Snufferbux and Fishhook did a lot of work transcribing the WLW radio talk show where I appeared this past January. They did as perfect and exact a job as possible, including vocal pauses such as "uh," "er," etc. We normally filter out such things when we're conversing, but they're there. Try listening closely to two people talking, sometime, particularly when it's a question-and-answer situation. READING all those fillers, though, will quickly wear thin since we aren't used to skipping them with out eyes the way we do with our ears. Therefore, the transcript has been edited -- by me -- to smooth the style. Pauses are left in when needed for emotional indication. -- Hossie)

( A great big THANK YOU goes to these fine zoos who did their best to catch it all! )

At last the transcript of your WLW interview is done! Fishhook and I transcribed it. It is as exact as we could make it, with all the pauses and ums and ahs and ers and hems and haws and everything. If you want to clean it up so that it looks like a Playboy interview that's up to you; we wouldn't presume.

Fishhook has been trying and trying to post it to ASB but it never seems to get there, so I'm mailing it to you. Snufferbux

Well, folks, here it is: The long-awaited Hossie interview. This time, it comes in it's complete form. (some assembly required) Enjoy!

BTW: Any help in filling in the missing parts in the first part of it would be appreciated. I couldn't tune the station until roughly 9:20 ( Show started at 9:00 ) so I wasn't able to backstop for Philo. If you've got a clear tape of it, and can fill in the parts he couldn't get, please do, and mail it to me.

The breaks between parts are done at commercial breaks, etc, so it should flow fairly nicely.

Transcript from the "Hossie" interview of 06-Jan. 1995 on WLW In Cincinnati OH.

Editor's Note: This transcript is being made from a tape which is known to be incomplete/badly edited for commercial removal. If you know of a better copy, please E-MAIL (not post here) to the address listed above if you can get it to me somehow.

RP: Is Bill Cunningham, announcer/commentator WLW In Cincinnati OH.

Segman, or sometimes "Seg" is "Segman Dennison" (Spelling questionable), Bill's sports announcer.

Hossie: Is of course, the man we all wanted to hear.

Other: Callers. Names used as I heard them.

<....> denotes sound-bites or notations on lost words, etc, unless noted as Ed. commentary (and there are few of those...)

Places where I lost the signal, blew the cut-in from a commercial, or whatever other reason I am unable to make out a word or words are indicated by the symbol <x?x> where x is a digit indicating:

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

<2?2> Bad cut leaving or returning from commercials.

<3?3> Ran out of tape... oops!

<4?4> I dunno... I just can't figure out what's being said ( Maybe too many speakers at once, the sound-bites burying the words, etc. )

Note that this "system" gets dropped part way through the transcript in favor of more descriptive notations, like "<Lost signal>", etc. So sue me. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

I'm not even going to TRY to fill in the blanks unless I get a better tape of the broadcast. I don't want to bungle it and put words in Hossie's (or any body's) mouth that weren't there to begin with.

If it sometimes reads poorly, remember: I did as close to a verbatim transcription as I could, including all the "empty noise sounds" that people make when they are speaking. I don't want to change inflections or shades of meaning by wrongly taking out or replacing those sounds that are often rather important to the meaning, even though they themselves carry no inherent information.

<Note from Second Editor (Philo Therion): My tape is no better than Dakidd's, but I have some parts that he lost, so I've filled in those parts. Quotes read on the air are verified in my copy of the book. The first 20 minutes or so are from my tape.>

<Note from Second Editor (Philo Therion): My tape is no better than Dakidd's, but I have some parts that he lost, so I've filled in those parts. Quotes read on the air are verified in my copy of the book. The first 20 minutes or so are from my tape.>

[Transcribed by Philo Therion]

[Third editor: Barnside June 6, 2002]

<Behind station ID, we hear the theme of the old "Lone Ranger" radio

show>

RP: Alright, the book is becoming a best seller, the name, is "The Horseman, Obsessions of a Zoophile" author is Mark Matthew's who is with us, this evening, 1994 publication date out of New York. It begins in the Foreword. <reading from book> "The first recorded instance of bestiality [RP pronouncing it "beastiality"] in this country took place in 1642, in a village near Plymouth Colony. Thomas Granger, a 16-year old servant confessed and was found guilty of having sex with a mare, a cow, two goats, five sheep, two calves, and a turkey. All the animals involved were slaughtered and burned in a great pit, ...

<horse-whinny sound bite>

... although there was difficulty in identifying the exact five sheep ( who were guilty ). Granger himself was executed on September 8, 1642."

RP: Mark Matthews, how are ya?

Hossie: Oh, just a bit chilly, but otherwise feeling quite - quite honored actually to be on one of the few clear-channel stations left in the world.

RP: It's unbelievable, and we do have a letter here that you sent relative to your desire to be on the big one, and I guess you listened to us years and years ago, is that correct?

Hossie: Yes, back in the '50's, one of my favorite programs was "Music 'Till Dawn", I believe it was American Airlines, sponsored that.

RP: What was the name of it?

Hossie: "Music 'Till Dawn."

RP: "Music 'Till Dawn." Boy, well we now have "The Bozo 'Till Dawn". I guess times have changed.

Hossie: *laughs*

RP: But Mark, I've read some of your book, and, ... let's talk about this. When did you... recall, you're 42 years old, is that correct?

Hossie: 43.

RP: 43, ya live in Missouri,

Hossie: Right.

RP: Which is a good state I guess for this kinds of ac, kind of activity...

Hossie: Well it is, it's one where I won't wind up in prison

because of it.

RP: Yeah. Uh. Oh, they don't have laws against having

sex with animals in Missouri?

Hossie: No.

RP: Okay. When did ...

Hossie: There are several states that don't.

RP: Well, when did you first have feelings toward horses and other farm animals?

Hossie: Actually it started when I was a teenager in junior high school,

RP: Oh.

Hossie: And was more of a reaction against ... against the girls of the town, or, the female half of the human race in general, I didn't, I never did particularly like the boys, but I got mad at the girls, so what was left was the livestock.

<Hiyo Silver sound-bite>

RP: Now, what did the women, what did the girls do in your town there, that caused you, to turn to farm animals?

Hossie: They did, pretty much normal teenage-girl things for the mid-sixty, sixties, including, oh, laughter, humiliation, various mind games that they played on the, on all the boys, not just me ...

RP: Yeah,

Hossie: And, I decided that the, the game wasn't worth the candle so to speak.

RP: Okay, now when did you first have your first sexual experience with a farm animal?

Hossie: Seventeen years old.

RP: You were seventeen, and what animal did you choose?

Hossie: By more or less coincidence I found myself with a Shetland

mare available,

<Hiyo Silver sound-bite>

Hossie: ...and attractive, and so we did.

RP: When you say "attractive", what is attractive sexually about a Shetland mare?

Hossie: several things. The the odor for one, for me. In fact, biochemical researchers who are working with pheromones, the chemicals that...<RP: yeah> ...affect behavior... <RP: yeah> ...have found that horse sexual pheromones affect humans much more strongly than human sexual pheromones.

RP: E-uh.

Hossie: The only, the only reason that people aren't out in an orgy in the pastures all the time is that the horses produce much less of the pheromones than humans do.

RP: OK, so the smell of a Shetland mare, this particular Shetland mare, gave you some sexual arousal, what else did that Shetland mare have, maybe it was...

Hossie: Well, she was a pinto, and really pretty ...

RP: What color hair?

Hossie: Black and white,

RP: Black and White?

Hossie: Mm-hm.

RP: And what about the curvature of the spine or her... <1?1> or something?

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

Hossie: Well, I'm not sure, <1?1> I honestly don't know all of that, <1?1> I was <1?1> in let's say the primary target.

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

RP: Now what was the nickname of this, what was the name of this horse?

Hossie: I have no idea.

RP: You forget the name.

Hossie: I don't know that I ever knew it.

RP: Did you often have sex with this Shetland mare, or was it kind of like a one-night stand?

Hossie: She was the first, and that was the only time with her.

RP: Did she offer any objection?

Hossie: No.

RP: Did she want any oats or barley afterward?

Hossie: <laughs> Well, she didn't say anything ... <1?1> a good scratching behind the ears, and...

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

RP: That was enough?

Hossie: and, a good brush down, yup.

RP: Did she offer any objections, as if this was not normal?

Hossie: No, she didn't. I didn't have her tied up or restrained in any way, she didn't try to step away, she didn't ...

RP: She had the right to say "no" in other words.

Hossie: Oh yes.

RP: Yes, and... but she did ...

Hossie: There's no way I could have caught her if she hadn't, if she had not wanted me to catch her.

RP: So Mark Matthews, you think this Shetland mare in some way wanted to have sex with you.

Hossie: I wouldn't go that far, that's pretty anthropomorphic.

RP: Oh?

Hossie: Actually I would say that basically whatever I was doing didn't bother her.

RP: Did you have a sense of guilt, that you had violated the Shetland mare?

Hossie: Yes, I did, 'course I'd violated social standards and taboos. And I was aware of that.

RP: How long did the guilt last?

Hossie: until the next time I saw an available horse.

RP: Okay, and how much time elapsed between the first instance with that beautiful pinto-colored Shetland mare to your second horse, was it a day, a week a month a year ...

Hossie: Oh I would say about two and a half months.

RP: Two and a half MONTHS?

Hossie: Mm-hm, yeah, it was in a different area, we had changed residence in that time.

RP: What kind of horse was that, Mark?

Hossie: It was another Shetland, although this one was a white shaggy

Shetland, .....

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

RP: Did you find this Shetland mare also attractive?

Hossie: Yes I did.

RP: What was it about this mare that you found attractive?

Hossie: Well, partly that she WAS a mare.

RP: Yes.

Hossie: And that, after my experience with the first I found out that mares happen to have an interesting trick.

RP: Which are?

Hossie: Uh...

RP: And remember this is a family show!

Hossie: Right! That's ... <laughs> ...

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

...Basically they have a muscular control that ... well, if women had the same ... if most women had the same control, I'm not saying some might not, ... their husbands wouldn't stray much.

RP: So you're saying this particular second Shetland mare had such control over the vaginal area that she was able to give you great pleasure.

Hossie: Yes. Well, in fact they, almost all mares have that.

RP: They do? And do the mares know that you're having sex with them?

Hossie: I guess so, because they start that response.

RP: Yeah.

Hossie: It's, actually they have a mobile, clitoris, and they bring that up into contact with what ever's penetrating them.

RP: And they don't seem to object?

Hossie: No no. Well now, there've been a few that've objected, and as soon as I've discerned that they weren't ...

RP: interested

Hossie: Weren't willing, you know, I'm not stupid enough to, uh, try to force my attentions on something with, with powerful muscles and hard hooves and so forth.

RP: Do you watch the Kentucky Derby with kind of a longing eye?

Hossie: yes I do, as a matter of fact.

RP: You kinda like that.

Hossie: Um-hm, Um-hm.****

RP: Let's take a short break. Please hold on, and I know our news department, our crack news staff has well-oiled ... the, the weather sounder, who have this going and they also have tonight's show on in the news room, they seldom do that but there is some interest in our news room about this topic. So let's take a short break and we'll continue with more, Mark Matthews is the fella's name, "Obsessions of a Zoophile, The Horseman" is the name of the book, and we're going to go back to him in a couple of minutes here, if you have a call, if you have a question of Mark Matthews, 749-7000. Call now, we'll get you on the air, it's now 9:31 p.m. on 700, WLW.

<News and commercials>

<Station ID, over "Happy Trails To You" sung by Roy Rogers>

RP: <sings "Happy Trails to You" with Roy Rogers>

RP: All right, my guest this evening, "The Horseman: Obsessions of a Zoophile", Mark Matthews, the book is in all the stores. Mark, let's ask, I'll ask you a few generic questions, then we'll get into more specifics. Over the last, 26 years or so, how many different horses have you made love to?

Hossie: ... Oh my. I would say probably close to 30.

RP: And how many different sexual acts have you had with the horses? Maybe hundreds?

Hossie: <chuckles>

<horse whinny sound-bite>

Hossie: well the multiple acts have, have, been in the last few years

and that's been, divided between two horses,

RP: Two horses.

Hossie: just one at a time.

RP: What are the names of your two favorite horses now?

Hossie: Heh. Well, I have one mate, named Pixel, P-I-X-E-L, although referred to in the book as "Dottie".

RP: Dottie?

Hossie: Mm-hmm.

RP: Is that like your wife so to speak?

Hossie: Ah, well, yes it is, in fact. I even had a friend of mine, a priest from London came over and married us last year.

RP: Was it a Roman Catholic priest?

Hossie: no, not quite.

RP: But it was a religious minister married you and a horse.

Hossie: Yes.

RP: Uh. So would you not, cheat on Dottie?

Hossie: Um, no, I think I wouldn't, no.

RP: You think Dottie cheats on you?

Hossie: Well, I'm sure she doesn't.

RP: Why?

Hossie: lack of opportunity unless of course ...

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

... the teenager next door ... aaah ... I don't think so.

RP: All right, do you sleep with Dottie?

Hossie: sleep with, once in a while, yes. She is housebroken and comes in the house.

RP: She lies with you in bed, the two of you together at night?

Hossie: no, she sleeps on her feet

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

RP: On her feet.

Hossie: Mm-hmm.

<Several questions and answers lost due to fadeout>

RP: Have you had sex with women in the last fifteen or twenty years?

Hossie: Oh yah.

RP: Do the women know you have sex with farm animals?

Hossie: They do NOW!

RP: And they still have sex with you?

Hossie: I had one who, decided the actual, well she wanted to find out why, why, Pixel was smiling so much.

RP: Okay. Now, is this unhealthy? I'm thinking of, herpes or AIDS or Gonorrhea, I mean do you catch any diseases from horses?

Hossie: No, well, there are, there are a few but, they don't, uh, require sexual activity to catch. There's, there's one type of head-cold rhino virus that can be caught and transmitted.

RP: Do you use condoms?

Hossie: No.

RP: So you've had, Dottie tested and she's, clear.

Hossie: Oh yeah. Well, I've checked with several vets as to what could be, transmitted, and so forth, and she's been cleared of all that, Yes.

RP: Well, do these vets act a little bit, strange when you tell them that you're having sex with a horse?

Hossie: Not so far.

RP: Hmmm. Do you think this is a common practice in this country, and many of us so-called normal people know nothing about it?

Hossie: Well, I've been surprised in the years since I've started a support organization and started getting a little publicity at how many people have, responded.

RP: What are normally the animals of selection?

Hossie: Actually the most popular are dogs, which is sensible enough since they are easier to keep, in most situations.

RP: DOGS?

Hossie: Dogs.

RP: <long pause> Men have sex with DOGS?

Hossie: And women.

RP: And women.

<interference and fadeouts>

Hossie: <1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem. ... I have cats, but, they're not, they're not sexual partners.

RP: Well, Mark, what do you find unattractive about a dog?

Hossie: Um .... I don't know, I've just not, I've just always been a cat person, even when I was growing up, my father was a cat person and,

RP: Have you, have you had sex with cats?

Hossie: No.

RP: Have you had sex with animals other than horses?

Hossie: a calf one time.

RP: A calf?

Hossie: Mm-hmm.

RP: Did she offer any objections?

Hossie: No.

RP: Now what's the name...

Hossie: But that wasn't much fun either.

RP: Why wasn't it any fun?

Hossie: Um ... Mostly the smell.

RP: The smell. But you liked the smell of a horse.

Hossie: Right.

RP: Okay.

Hossie: Very, very ... it's a very mild and country, you know, faintly, faintly hints of grass and hay.

RP: Yes. Are you shall we say, significantly less well-endowed than most horses, and therefore it would be less pleasurable for Dottie to have sex with you?

Hossie: Well, if you're going to get down to the nitty-gritty and haul out tape measures, I'm significantly less, less well-endowed than the average human male.

<horse whinny sound-bite>

RP: You are?

Hossie: Yeah.

RP: All right. So what is all that ... So, why would the horse enjoy

it?

Hossie: ... technique.

RP: Technique?

Hossie: As they say, it's, it's not the size of the wand, it's the magic.

RP: Yes.

Hossie: Um-hmm.

RP: Yes. Now. When ...

Hossie: And it really comes down to, horses normally last about thirty,

about thirty to forty-five seconds.

RP: They last.

Hossie: That's, that's normal, horse intercourse.

RP: OK, horse intercourse.

Hossie: Yes.

RP: But you ...

Hossie: And, and I last considerably longer than that.

<Hiyo Silver sound-bite>

Hossie: Well, you know, I watch Donohue, I'm a sensitive 90's guy.

RP: Right, no question. Now, Mark, have you been any, on any of these TV talk shows?

Hossie: Not yet. I came close to one a few years ago but the, uh, some other people who were supposed to do the same episode chickened out and they canceled it.

RP: Would you be on the Jerry Springer show?

Hossie: I don't, um, I'm not familiar with Jerry Springer, I'm sorry

to say.

RP: Well, I'll tell you what, this is his kind of a topic.

Hossie: Now, is this the fellow that generally runs real late at night and has young wives stripping...

RP: Oh yeah.

Hossie: and ...

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

... strippers and stuff?

RP: Oh yeah, he does all that.

Hossie: Oh, OK.

RP: What's the name of your support group, Mark?

Hossie: It's the Zoophiliac Outreach Organization, or the ZOO.

RP: Zoophiliac Outreach Organization.

Hossie: Right. The the most common thread of all, of all my contacts with other zoophiles is, usually at first, is "My God, there really is somebody else out there." it's a very lonely lifestyle for many people.

<Sound-bite of horse galloping>

RP: Well, I mean, yah, I would think so, I mean you don't go to bars or taverns, you don't go out and do...Do you consider this like a sin, or immoral in some way, Mark Matthews?

Hossie: I had to think a long time about it, and I finally decided that at least in my case, no it's not. I'm not harming my partner; in fact she gets extremely good care, better care than most horses, and, and definitely better than most ponies who are usually, they usually have two or three good years, when the, when the little kid's getting bigger then they're neglected.

RP: So after sex you like to rub Dottie behind the ears.

Hossie: actually on the shoulders.

<Hiyo Silver sound-bite>

RP: She likes the shoulders.

Hossie: She likes the shoulders and the withers, mm-hmm.

RP: All right Mark, I'll tell you what we're gonna do, we're gonna, uh, put you on hold, you're on hold, and we're going to go to the American people, Darryl and and Donnie and Jasper and Tom and Peter, Steve, Carl and John, all would like to speak with you about your particular situation.

Hossie: Okay.

RP: Are you willing to, confront the American people?

Hossie: Well, I do it quite often, on computer networks.

RP: Oh Okay, I'll put you on hold, and then we'll go to the American people. The book is "The Horseman: Obsessions of a Zoophile." He's formed the group, the Zoophi--, Zoophiliac Outreach Organization, short for Zoo. When we come back we'll get the phone number in case someone out there listening, has, uh, some assistance required in that area, ah, and the name of he book is "The Horseman", and the author is Mark Matthews, I'm sure it's in all the bookstores, and we'll take a short break; when we continue, down the stretch, we'll go right to the telephones.

<Horse-whinny sound-bite>

RP: Bill Cunningham, 700 WLW.

<commercials>

<Sound bite behind Paul Harvey promo: "Hello, I'm Mr. Ed."

followed by the Mr. Ed theme song>

RP: All right, the book "The Horseman," let's go right back to the calls, Mark, You have a rather touching, sentence in here about, one of your horses that tragically died on September 13th, 1988, <reads from book> "four days after I admitted to and accepted the existence of our romantic love. She expired with her head on my chest, arms around her neck." Can you describe for the American people that touching scene of your, of one of your horse lovers dying.

Hossie: It was...possibly <?> one of the worst days of my life.

I can remember, she, several veterinarians had no idea what

was wrong; I didn't know what was wrong; I didn't know if she'd recover ...

RP: (mm)

Hossie: ...or if I should just have her euthanized...

RP: How many times have you had sex with Cherry?

Hossie: ...

RP: Frequently?

Hossie: Yes, I'd say, several hundred.

RP: And she certainly enjoyed it.

Hossie: well, she certainly acted like that.

RP: Was it like losing your wife or something?

Hossie: It was. It was. um, she well she was eating some leaves off of a broken cherry tree branch. And neither I nor the veterinarians knew at the time -- we, we finally figured it out later -- that, that wilting cherry leaves have a high cyanide content.

RP: Ohhhhh.

Hossie: If they're on the tree there's no problem. If they're on the ground and dead there's no problem. But while they're in the process of wilting they're poisonous.

RP: Ohhhh. So Cherry poisoned, herself to death.

Hossie: She, she...poisoned herself, and we, we didn't know what was going on, didn't know what to do, we tried to ease her pain and, and, <RP: mm> relieve her, but kidney and liver failure was the actual cause of her death.

RP: Awwww. How long was it before you got over that one?

Hossie: ...<sigh>...It was...Well I'm not totally over it actually but...

RP: Even six years later you still think about Cherry.

Hossie: I still think about Cherry now and then, yeah, 'cause, she, she taught me that I COULD love an animal; that it was okay to, to love, romantically love an animal.

RP: Do you two enjoy watching shows together like maybe Robert Redford, cowboy movies, John Wayne type movies?

Hossie: Well actually, Pixel likes Bonanza.

RP: Pixel, you, you, in other words Dot...

Hossie: My current mate, she likes Bonanza.

RP: Now, does she like like the palomino, by Little Joe, does she like Hoss's horse,

or ...

Hossie: I, I, I'm not quite sure, she, but, well she, if she's in when I'm, when I have it on, she will stare at the screen and watch it and, react.

RP: Does she eat popcorn, or oats, or what, does she sit there, have a beer, er, what is, what is, what does Pixel do?

Hossie: well usually she kind of, well for one thing, we share a couple of carrots...

RP: Yeah...

Hossie: <clears throat> I had to be careful about drinking around her because,

RP: Yeah

Hossie: the first time I came out with a, with a large rum and Coke she grabbed the glass and polished it off before I could.

<Horse-whinny sound bite>

RP: I bet!

Hossie: Hmmm?

RP: What, are there any movies, that you've seen, there was the movie Jim Carney [sic], "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective" that dealt with the kidnapping of a dolphin, from the...

Hossie: There, there were a few, good lines in that movie such as "I don't do humans."

[Transcribed by Dakidd, edited by Philo]

RP: Well, eh, I guess that could be the subtitle of this book

Hossie: <chuckles>

RP: All right, let's go to the American people here and see what they have to say Daryl, 700 WLW

Daryl: Um, I was gonna ask him if, Whenever you go to the zoo...

Hossie: Uhm-hm

Daryl: ...You been to the zoo?

RP: Do you go to the zoo like going to a strip shop? What do you do when you go to the zoo there, Mark?

Hossie: Well, actually, there's no zoos very close to me, but when I do go, I generally spend most of my time in the big-cat house.

Daryl: Do you get, like, excited? Do you just wanna go jump over and... things?

Hossie: No, No...now the zebras I would.. I might consider. I'm pretty much straight equine, but I admire the big cats' power an', and and their strength and their grace.

<at the word equine, announcer plays sound-bite "hiyo Silver">

Daryl: Do you have...Do you and Dottie plan on having any colts?

Hossie: Heh Well, funny, I've been asked that before. Not that I know of. I tell ya what, if we do, I'm gonna make a million from the Enquirer...

Daryl: Do, do ya have these fantasies about livestock, when you got to sleep?

RP: <breaks in> You know, kinda like a wet dream or something, do you think about Trigger or think about some...

<obscured by Hossie's chuckling and what sounds to me like a horse who wants to find his/her herd-mates or is for some other reason upset/anxious - from here on, this sound-bite will be referenced as "unhappy horse">

Hossie: Well, Very rarely I've been known to dream about horses.

RP: All right, thank you very much for that...John, 700 WLW...

John: <...>

RP: John? John? John's somewhere, I'm not sure where...Connie, 700 WLW...

Connie: Hello?

RP: Connie, go ahead, you're on the air.

Connie: Hi, I just had a couple of questions.

RP: OK...

Hossie: Yes?

Connie: First of all, do you have any children, and what do they possibly look like?

Hossie: <chuckles - over sound of interviewer laughter in background> Well, I have two children, They're teenagers, a boy and a girl, blond hair, blue eyes

RP <interrupting> Do they...Do they know what you do?

Hossie: Yes.

Connie: Yeah! That's a good one. Do they know that you have this, love life with horses?

Hossie: Oh yes. When they were about 11 or 12, I took them aside individually and explained the situation...

RP: <half-laughing> Yes...

Hossie: Cause I didn't want...I'd rather they heard it from me than from class-mates.

RP: Or coming into the barn one night and seeing you hunched over a mare

Hossie: Well, whatever

<unhappy horse sound-bite>

Connie: Is there any possibility of you impregnating horses, or do you use some type of protection?

Hossie: No, there's no possibility of impregnating...the, the gene count is way too far off.

RP: So you have different type genes... <Ed. note: Not sure announcer wasn't trying (and failing) to be funny by saying "jeans"...> do you you engage in any sex with the horses other than like intercourse?

Hossie: Ahhhh...well...

RP: Do you have oral sex with horses?

Hossie: <over sound of RP making disgusted noises> Yeah, we can do pretty much everything I was ever able to do with my human wife, and, and a little more...

RP: Augh!

<hiyo Silver sound-bite>

Connie: And what...is there any possibility of multiple orgasms?

<RP in background sounds like he's gonna crack up..."Multiple... ha">

Hossie: Her, definitely...

RP: She does?

Hossie: Oh yeah!

RP: And when she...when a horse has an orgasm, what does she do? Does she go "ah, ah.."?

Hossie: <chuckles> Well, I think I did mention that in the book. What she does is increases her clenching action, shoves back, hard, and ah... leans back, in fact, will knock you over if you're not careful...

RP: Yesz...

Hossie: And, ah, will sometimes whicker...

Connie: What do you have to do? Get up on a stool or something?

RP: Are you on a stool, or like a seat...

Hossie: Nnnno...<unhappy horse sound-bite> these ah... Dotty or Pixel is waist-high, quite...quite convenient.

RP: So do you put her back legs in a harness, or do ya just kinda... How do you do it?

Hossie: <sounds like he's laughing> Ah, well, I just, no, I don't have to restrain her, I just...

RP: Say 'it's time honey', ya kinda...

Hossie: Walk y'know...

RP: honey...

Hossie: walk around or whatever...

RP: and say 'honey', start pattin' her ears, give her some oats and say...and she knows it's time?

Hossie: Sometimes she'll let me know it's time, she'll walk around in front and back up, and so forth...

RP: Oh...Many women do that in bars sometimes... Connie? Any more questions for Mark?

Connie: Just one: Whatever possessed him to decide that this is the... animal for him?

RP: Ya, um, have you...did you check out forty or fifty or just happen to find Dotty?

Hossie: Well, Dotty...When little Cherry died...

PR: Little Cherry...

Hossie: AHD, the one that was poisoned...

PR: Yes...

Hossie: Some good friends advised me very strongly to get another horse immediately, I was very upset by that suggestion, it would be disloyal to Cherry's memory and so forth.

PR: Right, I can understand that...

Hossie: But they convinced me that, oh, that I should be... that I would be affirming that a horse made so much difference, that I didn't want to be without one in my life.

Cone: Now, whatever possessed you to do this in the first place? That's what I'm trying to figure out... <almost dissolves into laughter>

Hossie: Oh! Om...A really bad prom date...

PR: A bad prom date?!?

<sound-bite: Wheezing laughter>

Hossie: A really bad prom date, yes...

PR: Did this woman look like a pig, so you went to a horse?

<sound-bite continues and changes to hysterical laughter>

Hossie: No, this was the one who led me to believe for several months that we were going to go out and definitely would be going to the prom together and so forth, while I was doing her homework for her. And then when it came down to the bottom line, she just laughed, and of course, chose to do that in front of most of the student-body of the school.

PR: Oh...So you were scarred at the age of 17...

Hossie: I was scarred <Almost sarcastic tone> The problem I have is I can't really find any villains...Uhm, Nobody that _wanted_ to do something, and really messed me up.

RP: Mark, does does Dotty ever tell you no?

Hossie: <in a rather matter of fact tone> Sometimes.

RP: And how does she do that? Have a headache or somethin'?

<hiyo-silver sound-bite overlaid by (I THINK) Hossie's laughter>

Hossie: Yeah, not tonight, I have a hoof-ache...

RP: Yeah, something like that...How does she tell you 'no', what does she do?

Hossie: Well, she won't stand still...

RP: She just keeps movin' around?

Hossie: Uh-huh, she keeps moving around, and at the very worst, if for some reason I'm really stupid and haven't paid much attention to that, she will sometimes cock a foot like she's getting ready to let loose a kick.

RP: Cock a foot?

Hossie: Yeah, Yeah, Pick up a hind foot and, tip it so the hoof is facing backward.

RP: And what does that mean to you?

Hossie: Well, it means that she's getting ready to kick, that she's unhappy.

RP: And so, you don't want this horse to kick you...How much...This horse must weigh a few hundred pounds

Hossie: She's about 450.

RP: <amazed voice> four hundred and fifty pounds!

Hossie: uh-huh.

RP: has she ever hurt ya?

Hossie: <pause> One time by accident...I was.. not really awake, and uh, wasn't paying attention, and I wound up getting bit in a very tender spot...

RP:<stammers> So is this when she was giving you oral sex?

Hossie: Yes.

RP: Oh boy...

Hossie: Uh-huh.

RP: And did she...

<"hiyo-silver" sound-bite>

Hossie: And I accidentally got up between the molars, I got too far back

RP: Oh! Oh! Oh!

<sound-bite -- the hysterical laughter again>

Connie: <laughing> Oh gosh!

RP: What damage... What damage did she cause your penis?

Hossie: About a half-inch cut... in the tip.

RP: Did you go to the emergency room and say "Doc!"

Connie: <laughs hysterically>

Hossie: No, No, I just, went in, disinfected it good with, peroxide, dusted it down with antibiotic powder...Poor Pixel... when it happened, I hollered...

RP: <loud laugh>

Hossie: and it hurt, and her eyes, she just looked like she was so sorry...<laughs>

RP: She coulda bit it off!

Hossie: She could have...But fortunately, she never heard the Lorena Bobbit story, so...

RP: I guess it would only hurt her if she bit it off...Thank,

<1?1> Signal fade/static/other poor signal problem.

... get in here! Ok, Connie, we gotta run, thank you very much. Mark, hold on, I'll come back to ya. The author is Mark Matthews. "Obsessions of a Zoophile: The Horseman".

When we continue, we've got Steve and Carl and Peter. Appropriately. Tom and Jasper. Amber. I like the name Amber. And then Bob. If a line ever becomes available, 749-7000. Believe me folks, they're out there! <peeved> And Bill Wells and Bill Dennison have assigned this topic for me tonight! Dennison has done it without my permission! Any complaints should be addressed to Bill Dennison! In the sports department.

RP: Ten o'clock, 700 WLW Cincinnati.

<Lone-ranger intro>

RP: All right, the book is "The Horseman: Obsessions of a Zoophile" Mark Matthews from Missouri is the author. He advocates having sex with horses... as a way of shall we say, overcoming the natural rivalries between men and women. Do you ever see yourself, Mark Matthews, as maybe going back and only having exclusive relationships with human beings?

Hossie: No. Actually right now, I, I can't trust a human being that far.

RP: So you've been scarred by the women of this world?

Hossie: Uhm, <RP breaks in>

RP: Well, you got <Hossie breaks in: Perhaps> divorce, alimony, child support, property division, <Hossie breaks in again: Hmm?> When you're having sex an-and you break up with a horse - Ya don't have domestic relations court involved in your problem.

Hossie: Right, you just call Kal-Kan.

RP: Kal-Kan?

Hossie: Yeawp.

RP: And then ya go get a 'nother one?

Hossie: I spoze...

RP: All right, let's continue with the calls. Steve? 700 WLW.

Steve: Willie!

RP: Steve, gimme a Full Report!

Steve: Ohay, ya think Charlie Windborne's <SP?> listening tonight?

RP: Hell, I dunno.

Steve: Probably. did he say earlier that he changed the name of the horse in the book?

RP: Did you change the name of the horse in the book, Mark?

Hossie: Ah, yeah, I did. To make it a little less obvious exactly who was writing what n and avoid at that time my children were living close by here an I didn't want to <quick breath> get them in trouble with their classmates and such.

RP: So have ya come out of the, have ya come out of the stall, so

to speak at this point?

Hossie: Oh yeah...

Steve: So was that maybe to protect the horse from ridicule of other horses too?

Hossie: Well, yeah, you wouldn't you wouldn't want the other horses givin' her horse-laughs, yes. <chuckle>

Steve: Yeah, Hey, have you ever gotten a little crazy and maybe had two horses at the same time?

Hossie: Three.

Steve: Three?

<sound-bite, Unhappy horse (continues under Hossie's next)>

Hossie: Yeah, down on the beach at Galveston, Texas

Steve: <unintelligible, covered by sound-bite, Hossie, and RP>

RP: In Galveston Texas you had three horses at once?

Hossie: Yup, yup, at a beach riding concession

Steve: The old grey mare ain't what she used to be...

Hossie: Uhhhh, Yes but she's improved with age.

RP: Peter, 700 WLW

Hossie: Could I clear up one thing? uh.

RP: Yeah

Hossie: I do not advocate other people having sex with horses or any other animals.

RP: Unless they want to? <amused chuckle>

Hossie: ahnn well, if they you know, if they want to, and they feel

they wanna talk about it to somebody or whatever, I'm y'know, I'm

here.

RP: So I can understand <something unintelligible, covered by

Hossie>...

Hossie: But I'm, I'm not trying to convince anyone. You know...

<something covered>

RP: But M-Mark Mark, do you have a phone number for your group?

Hossie: Sure.

RP: What is it?

Hossie: 417...

RP: 417...

Hossie: 623...

RP: 623...

Hossie: 8308.

RP: 8308... 417, which is Missouri, 623-8308

Hossie: Uhm-hmm

RP: All right, go ahead, Peter...

Peter: Yeah, Good evening, everybody. Just wondering if Mark has ever had an experience perhaps, ah, with a, ah, a Mr. Ed type or a, ah, in in that nature, a celebrity horse, perhaps or something, of some sort?

RP: Have you thought about going after some of the famous horses, like Tim-Tam, or Summer Squall, or Sunday Silence?

Hossie: Well, I have about 22 hours of Mr. Ed on video tape,

RP: You have, it's like a, it's like a porno flick for you?

Hossie: <(and somebody else) chuckles>

Hossie: It's kinda fun. Now I'm not normally into the males, but I think, you know, one, one as smart as Mr. Ed, I *mmmmmight* make an exception...

RP: You find yourself attracted to Mr. Ed

Hossie: Oh, somewhat, certainly intellectually <sound-bite "Hello, I'm Mr. Ed" starts> Um, but I have a, um, probably my favorite movie on tape right now is the old original "My Friend Flicka" because they, they didn't have, they weren't shy about showing that they actually did use a filly instead of a gelding...

RP: I see...So My Friend Flicka's one of your favorite movies, er, TV shows of all time.

Hossie: Yep, Well, the original movie from 1943 ah, was the main one. 'Course, in that, you had Roddy McDowell playing a Montana ranch boy with this big thick British accent

RP: Ya

Hossie: That's kind of a hoot.

RP: Well Mark, what about horses do you find attractive, I mean, when I look at a horse, I might look at the height, and I might look at the neck, at Turfway park they kinda parade, if you were at Turfway park, looking at horses, what parts of the horse would you be looking at?

Hossie: Ummm, The legs, for one...

RP: Ya like the legs?

Hossie: yeah, they're there's definite differences in in ah, whether a horse has good looking legs or not

RP: You mean, in a sexual way you're looking at the legs?

Hossie: Well, I'm looking at th, at them as a part of the overall general attractiveness, or lack thereof, just like some some men check out women's legs in the bars.

RP: yeah... <laughter>

Hossie: And the ears

RP: (almost laughing) Ya like the ears?

Hossie: I want the ears to be nice 'n alert, and perky.

RP: yeah,

Hossie: And, ah,

RP: How 'bout the brea...How 'bout the breast-bone or, do ya look at breasts at all on horses?

<sound-bite: asthmatic laugh>

Hossie: Well, that is, that is one of the few disappointments in my life, because I'm, I'm what's known as a <pause> A "T-man"

RP: You're a T-man...

Hossie: And and and horses just ain't got any to speak of <starts

to dissolve into laughter>

RP: Eh, but kind of an ear man, too, you like those ears perky and kinda

Hossie: Right...

RP: Pickin-up the

Hossie: <unintelligible (even with a good signal)>...some intelligent looking eyes and so forth, that can, that can make a lot of difference.

RP: Have you thought about becoming a paddock man, kinda walking around the paddock early in the morning 'n maybe tryin' to swab someone down a little bit?

Hossie: eh, well, this is ah, this is a practice known amongst the zoos as fence-hopping

RP: Fence hopping?

Hossie: Fence-hopping, yeah. 'n it's what you do when you, when you <short pause> can't keep your own for some reason.

PR: you can't keep your own?

Hossie: Yeah, if you don't, if you don't have a place to <PR: yes> to keep a horse, or whatever, or a dog, if that's your interest.

PR: WA, What'd yak think of Trigger?

Hossie: Trigger? <unhappy horse sound-bite> Pretty nice looking

Palomino. I do like blondes, but

PR: You like the blondes...

Hossie: He, he was very much male, and, that's That doesn't do much for me.

PR: Thank you very much. Carl, 700 WW

Carl: How's it gin'?

PR: uhf-it's unbelievable! All I can say is it's unbelievable.

Carl: Yeah, an I'd like to ask him, has he has he ever had any uhf masturbatory thoughts about Mr. Ed?

RP: Hmah, When you look at Mr. Ed, do ya kinda get excited, even, s-s-s-say you're watching something on TV and you see a horse <Sound bite: Hello, I'm Mr. Ed> Do you ever engage in a Dr. Joycelyn Elders?

Hossie: <loses it laughing for a moment> well, no, usually, if it's if it's got me that excited, I just open the back door and cough or whistle, 'n <sound-bite: asthmatic laughter> she walks up the ramp 'n into the house, and then we'll we may watch the rest of it together.

RP: Good point. Jasper, 700 WLW, then Jeremy, Amber and Bob.

<ed note: Jasper sounds like he's straight out of the ghetto, VERY

much "putting on" the accent and speech pattern>

Jasper: Yeah, how you doing today Beeyill, Good to speak to ya?

RP: <imitating Jasper's accent> Pretty good.

Jasper: Now I'd like to say ah, now, weh, one thing I do have in common wit this young man right here, my wife, Myrtle, she weigh about 400 pound, but she ain't a horse, Now what I'd like to say

RP: <laughs> what I'd like to say here, I don't understand why it is, that y'all taking this man, and not gettin' to the root of the problem. If he don't like women, he had some problem in the past, y'all need ta address that problem and see if we can take care of it. Ya think that's it, sir?

Hossie: Well, y'know, that's an interesting perspective. ahm...If uh, If you get a chance to read the book, y'know, possibly borrow it from the city library, or or buy it, y'know, whichever, I'm not trying to be overly commercial here <RP: right> I think you might find that that ah, what I did was come to a sa, ah, Well, what's been described by several psychologists as unusual, ah, but viable solution to a, um, um, life dilemma. And frankly, I get along much better with women now, when I finally accepted myself, than when I did before, because I had bought into the male machismo mythology that said that <Jasper: Yeah> to be a real man I had to desire sex with every, every woman, regardless of age, size, uhm, appearance, nationality, or anything else, and it this meant that if when I was trying to have non-sexual dealings with women, just meet them as people I still had to speculate on, say what they'd look like naked,

RP: Yeah

Hossie: and, how they would be in bed and so forth, and so on, and now it...many women could pick this up, could, could sense this attitude. and it was a bad attitude.

RP: Yeah.

Hossie: and, and, they didn't like it, 'n, and once I finally realized what was doin', ehh, I certainly couldn't blame them for being unhappy and not wanting to have anything to do with me.

RP: Mark, have you thought about getting professional help for your <sputters a bit> for your problem? Do you think it's a problem?

Hossie: Well, I'll tell ya what. I've got, I've known quite a few shrinks, in fact we have some who volunteer to serve on the, on the zoo, executive board. <RP: Yes> Annnd <Jasper: Yeah> probably the best answer would be ah, a good friend of mine, who who calls himself a rich Jewish psychiatrist. He says 'I love stereotypes, especially the rich part' <RP: Yes> And, he said 'look, personally I've got no problem. Y'know, personally, if you were Jewish an ya had a thing for pigs, then I might say ya needed, needed to work on this.'

RP: are you a Christian type person, Mark?

Hossie: No I'm a, I'm pagan. I used to be a minister. I used to be a Methodist minister, in fact.

RP: You're a pagan. And what's a pagan? You kinda believe in the trees, and that kinda stuff?

Hossie: Well, sort of...Yeah, I'm not quite "new-age" I been, I've been into it much longer than the New-Agers. Uhhh...but I do believe in, in a divine force. I believe that, there is such a thing that can be defined as sin, which is primarily causing unneeded pain.

RP: Where did ya find this priest to marry you and your horse?

Hossie: We actually initially got together on a computer network, the, the Internet, if you've heard of that. <RP: Yez> and, uh, there, there are a lot of the zoos around the Internet.

RP: Lotta zoos?

Hossie: mmm-hmm

RP: Is this a common practice do you think, where men marry farm animals?

Hossie: No it's not.

RP: Somewhat unusual?

Hossie: It's, it's unusual, yeah, it's the, the best guess that we can give for anyone that um, ahh, the best data we have is Kinsey's research and it's generally considered to be somewhat flawed and uncertain, and, uhhh, around 8 percent of the general

male population at the time of the study in the, in the mid-twentieth century, have had one, or more, sexual contacts with an animal.

RP: Well, if it's 8 percent, then that's literally millions and millions of American men have had sex with at least one animal?

Hossie: Once. Uhm-hmm. But, that's, that's not what we consider significant, uhh, someone does that it's just experimentation just like, many men will experiment around with, with ah, with, with the other boys their age when they're thirteen or fourteen, but they're still thinking of girls <RP: right> now it's not an indication that they're full-blown gay, gay people, or whatever else. <RP: Yezzz> we, found that most, most men who have just had one contact, they don't have any problem with their lives,

y'know, they, 'Hey, it's something I did when I was a kid, I've gone on from there, no problem.'

RP: All right. awright, hold on, let's putcha back on hold, and we'll come back to ya here in a couple minutes <Hossie: O...Click of a hold button being hit...may be an artifact from bad signal/static, etc> My guest ah, til about 11 o'clock or so tonight is the author of the book, "The Horseman" and Mark Matthews, obsesh, obsessions of a zoophile. And 749-7000, we have a couple lines available for the first time tonight. Let's take a short break, 10:21 PM. Sports radio 700, WLW.

<Commercial break omitted>

RP: Alright Mark, ah, Matthews, ah, Mark, when you had ah, triple-sex with three horses in Texas, how did that happen, how'd that work out?

Hossie: Ahh, <clears throat> Well,

RP: Did ya seek permission of the owner, or just kinda

Hossie: No, I was, I was still a teenager at that time, and ah, I was on vacation with my parents, and we had, were camping on the beach, had a tent thrown up. And, I did happen to talk to the owner of the riding concession earlier that day, and he mentioned that he had three mares in heat all at once

RP: Three mares in heat? <Hossie: Uh-huh> Was that like an offer?

Hossie: I don't know...

RP: Did ya take 'em

Hossie: but I certainly...

RP: did ya take 'em any carrots or anything? Any oats? Did ya...

Hossie: No, I didn't have any to take to them, They, they, we just had to be satisfied with, recreation...

RP: Do you think horses are receptive to sex with human males?

Hossie: Oh, I know quite a few of them that've been receptive with me, 'n, who do orgasm and show evidence of pleasure. <RP: Yes... alright, let's contin...> I had one, one time that tried to seduce me in a stable. I'd never see her before, and never seen her since, but she went through all the, ah, um, mating behavior.

RP: Like how does a horse try to s-seduce a man? Maybe Mike Battaglia <SP?> needs to know this at Turfway park. <Hossie chuckles> Chris Collinsworth owns horses. How do you know if a horse is gettin' hot?

Hossie: Ah, well, if they're if they're in season <unhappy horse sound-bite> They do various things like they would do with a stallion, such as they will set their hind feet back farther, and, spread apart, tail up, they will make short squirts of, of, ah, urine...

RP: Eeww

Hossie: ... and so forth, <Unhappy horse sound-bite again> This was an experience similar to that, but unfortunately, I did not, uh, do anything about it at the time due to circumstances.

RP: A-and, what causes you to want to have oral sex with a horse?, ya know, it isn't something I mean do you actually have, like cunnilingus with a horse?

<Hiyo Silver sound-bite>

Hossie: I have met one woman in my life who smelled and tasted as good and mild as a horse does. is that sufficient?

RP: Yeah...

Hossie: They're ver, they're quite tasty.

RP: I imagine...

Hossie: And their odor is very, very mild, and so forth. But I don't wanna get too much detail on a family show.

RP: Yeah, but, Horses don't bathe very often, do they, uh? I mean

Hossie: Mmm, no, but I've, I had girlfriends that uh

RP: Didn't bathe either!

Hossie: No, but just soon as they bathed it didn't matter, they'd still stink to heaven.

RP: All right let's continue with the calls, Jeremiah, Amber and then Bo. Jeremiah, 700 WLW.

Jeremiah: How ya doing Bill?

RP: Good, gimme a full report!

Jeremiah: I have GOT to ask this guy some questions. where exactly does he hunt for these horses at? Does he like, go get a hotel room, or what?

Hossie: <chuckles> No, the, it's been quite a while since I've done any fence-jumping since I do have my own and have for, for the last uh, 7 or 8 years. but at the, at the time that I was fence-hopping, I would simply drive around ah, the neighborhoods,

check out, see who had some in their back yards or ah, accessible pastures along, along the along the road. <RP laughing in the background> That I, that is one hazard that I've faced when I'm driving <sound-bite: bugler blowing "post"> I'll sometimes glance over and catch sight of a really good looking mare to one side, and when that happens, my eyes leave the road, my foot leaves the gas an, and I may or may not lay onto the brakes.

Jeremiah: You just like, stop the car and go start what, drillin' it, right there in the back yard?

<RP laughing in background again>

Hossie: Well, no, not quite like that. I mean, there are, it, it's legal here, but there are limits.

RP: <almost cracking up> There are limits, eh? Is it legal in Ohio, do you know, Mark?

Hossie: I'd have to look it up but I <sighs> think it is, actually.

RP: How about Kentucky? <garbled noises, as if searching for words> the horse state,

Hossie: no, Kentucky is definitely an eh, an illegal state.

RP: So they protect their horses in the bluegrass.

Hossie: Well, something like that, I don't know... They're uh...

RP: How many states is it legal how many states is it illegal? Duhn, you know which state to do it, so if you're drivin' around in the interstate and you see a, yer know which state your in, you may not jump, jump a fence?

Hossie: Right, right...

RP: Is it like, 50/50?

Hossie: Actually, it ranges, it ranges anywhere from a, a, very mild misdemeanor in California, to a felony carrying up to a life sentence in a, I believe in Michigan.

RP: Do you seek permission of the owner of the horse?

Hossie: Not generally. Um, Now the first time I got caught, when I was 19 years old, the owner told me to quit comin' 'round at night and make, and rousing his dogs and shaking him out of bed. He said 'come by in the afternoon, I'll tell my wife you can take one into the barn'...

Jeremiah: Man oh man!

RP: Wait a minute, now, you found the owner of this horse

that gave permission

Hossie: Well, he, he caught me out in his pen one night <Jeremiah laughs and RP joins in> I roused his 'coon-dogs.

RP: Yeah <laughing>

Hossie: Now that wasn't the best time I got caught though... the best one was oh, just a few years ago here at my place outside, middle of August, about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, nobody else was around, it was hot and sweaty, but we were, we were just taking it easy, and having a good time slowly together.

RP: Kinda like, ah, foreplay.

Hossie: Well, no, well, we were, we were into the main event, just ah, not being very fast about it, just kinda you know lazy, sunny summer afternoon attitude, afternoon delight, remember that old song?

RP: Yes.

Hossie: And suddenly her head came up and he ears perked up and I, started looking around a little bit and ah, here came this roar overhead. It's a big helicopter 'bout 150 feet off the ground, right over, and there were people sitting in the doors. <RP: Oh!> Looking out and I looked up and some of the <Helicopter sound-bitestarts> people were pointing at us, and nudging the others,

RP: Was it a black helicopter, a Huey?

Hossie: It was a National Guard

RP: Ah, just as I suspected.

Hossie: and it was loaded, loaded full of state police looking for marijuana fields.

RP: And they found you hunchin' on a horse.

Hossie: Uh-huh, so, and I looked up and they're pointing down, what could I do, I raised my hand, waved, and smiled,

RP: Ah, our...

Hossie: Then the pilot turned around so the guys on the other side could see.

RP: Our crack news staff should been, shoulda been on that one.

Hossie: Yeah, yeah, that woulda been better than burning some old weeds.

RP: Awright, I'll putcha back on hold, we'll come to ya in a minute, and our crack news staff will check into that. Bill Cunningham, 700 WLW Cinncinati.

<News/weather omitted>

<"Happy trails to you" playing in background, and RP talking over it>

RP: Alright back on the big one, The Horseman is here tonight. "Obsessions of a Zoophile", Mark Matthews is the book, he is a human being that has sex with primarily horses, but maybe other animals, Mark, did I, did I hear you before that you have favored a dog or a cat or two, or, er, did I misinterpret you, you, do you only do horses?

Hossie: I am limited to horses, yes.

RP: Have you ever looked at other animals? Maybe, how 'bout a zebra, or like a mule?

Hossie: Well, OK, Equines.

RP: Equines?

Hossie: Y'know, zebras, I kinda enjoy those sexy pajamas, ah..

RP: How 'bout, how 'bout a llama?

<wheezing laughter sound-bite>

Hossie: Haven't tried one, haven't really even been that close to one, I understand they're supposed to be quite good, but, uh, I'll just haveta take someone's word for that.

RP: Where's Dottie tonight, your mare?

Hossie: Well, a few minutes ago, she was about six feet from me, standing outside the kitchen window, hoping I might toss her a cookie.

RP: Are you sporting a bit of wood right now just thinkin' about when the show ends?

Hossie: <chuckles> Well, if ya wanna actually get into detail on that, I have a surgical implant, so I'm continually ready. I had an accident, ...

<RP: Oh?>

Hossie: ... climbing over a gate in a barn a few years ago, and you can imagine what that was like.

RP: So you have like a flip-top model that's always ready.

<hi-yoSilver sound-bite>

Hossie: Yeah, pretty much, um-hmm.

RP: Hmm... where's Dottie? Is she in in another room, or out in the barn, or...

Hossie: no, she's she's just outside, as I say, she was standing by the kitchen window hoping I'll toss her some sort of goodie, a cookie, or a little candy, or whatever.

RP: <suggestive tone of voice> Does she know what awaits her tonight when you get off the air?

Hossie: No, but she's gonna find out...

RP: um...

Hossie: <chuckles>

RP: <sounding sort of dissapointed> Um, Alright, let's go back to the telephone calls I think uhm, Amber is next. Amber, 700 WLW

Amber: I have a few questions, um, first of all, did you have premarital sex with <short pause> your wife?

Hossie: You bet.

Amber: You did?

Hossie: Oh yeah.

RP: Now, you...

Amber: and um, what's...

Hossie: Human or horse, either one.

RP: Do you think that's wrong before this priest <Amber: Yeah, that's wrong> I mean, did, isn't that wrong before this priest married you and Dottie, I mean, ta, were ya, tryin' to, trying out the car before ya bought it, I mean what were ya doin'?

Hossie: we just couldn't help ourselves.

RP: You and Dottie...

Hossie: Jus, Just like a couple of teenagers, y'know.

Amber: Do you ever sleep with other <that pause again> horses?

RP: Stallions? <hi-yo, Silver sound-bite>

Hossie: Well, the question has never really, the question has never arisen because the such an opportunity hasn't.

Amber: <something unintelligible, covered by RP>

RP: Well, how would you feel if some stallion showed up in your yard and started havin' at it with Dottie?

Hossie: I'd probably be a little unhappy.

RP: Would you watch?

Hossie: Uhm, No, I'd probably, probably be taking steps to remove the stallion.

RP: Would you be jealous?

Hossie: Yeah.

<Wheezing/hysterical laughter sound-bite>

Amber: Are you upset.. and don't you think she's upset because she can't have kids, that you're holding her back from that?

RP: Well, she can't...

Hossie: I don't know. She doesn't seem to like kids much. I, I did have ah, another mare here belonged to a friend of mine, and that mare dropped a foal.

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Hossie: and she cou, she seemed to consider that little foal just mostly a pain in the rear.

Amber: Really?

RP: So you think she'd rather...

END...

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